Overweight success story Mike Ashley has confirmed that he will use Wonga payday loans to fund his takeover of Rangers. The current Newcastle owner and champion shit stirrer made the revelation while dressed in a Charlie Brown themed gimp suit. He said: “Rangers are on their knees financially – so I …
Giraffe humanoid and incompetent fuck up Arsene Wenger has claimed squatter’s rights at Arsenal’s Emirates stadium. The Frenchman marked his territory on Saturday by losing to Manchester United and taking a shit on the floor. But despite the criticism Wenger explained that he intends to invite other degenerate losers to …
Dysfunctional waste of life Ravel Morrison has admitted that he is not a nice person after being questioned by police. The West …
Miniature disappointment Jack Wilshere has confirmed that smoking and covering himself in tattoos is his main priority in life. The Arsenal fuck …
Convicted criminal and evil person Luis Suarez has refuted claims that he shot and killed President John F Kennedy. Infamous communist and …
Former football favourites Spain have admitted that they were never actually that good at the sport they once dominated. Inadequate ball juggler Iker Casillas has …
Christian war criminal Tony Blair has insisted that Wayne Rooney’s poor performance against Italy has nothing to do with the current crisis …
Muscle-bound show-off Cristiano Ronaldo has revealed that he was born with a micro-penis and has spent his entire life over compensating. The Real …
Following his foot in mouth performance on Question Time, functioning humanoid Joey Barton has engaged in an online debate with the nomadic …
Human tragedy David Moyes has admitted that he can’t get enough negative attention and now plans to join far right comedy outfit …