Ball kicking dynamo Gareth Bale is not actually a human being, according to a group of Vatican monks tasked with destroying him. Bale, who is in a civil partnership with a Zebra called Helen, has chosen not to comment on the story. However, one of his bible bashing antagonists was …
Liverpool windbag Brendan Rodgers has accused title rivals Chelsea and Manchester City of being “soulless corporate fuck stains.” The 41-year-old boss delivered the scathing assessment of his title rivals after administering a proverbial kick to City’s title testicles. He said: “We honestly believe that Chelsea and City are involved in …
United spare part Phil Neville reportedly denied knowing managerial buffoon David Moyes three times while on a night out in Manchester. A …
Ego centric footballing genius Ronaldo was conceived after a blouse, acquired from an unnamed big girl, burst mid coitus, according to his …
Charismatic loser Arsene Wenger has confirmed all his strikers are to have their dicks burnt off in front of a group of …
The Football Association has announced that a player or manager who premeditatively takes the life of a fellow professional will only receive a …
Crumpled pensioner Roy Hodgson has confirmed he will pick deceased World Cup winner Bobby Moore for this summer’s tournament in Brazil. The …
Inadequate time bomb Alan Pardew has insisted that physically assaulting people is just a normal part of working life. The Newcastle boss …
Spectacular loser David Moyes has insisted that there is an unhealthy emphasis on success within professional sport. The Manchester United boss revealed …
Second rate manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has revealed he would feel sorry for other managers if Cardiff beat them. The former Manchester …