The Belgium born mercenary, who is now called Bob Smith, has employed team mate Wayne Rooney and Chelsea’s John Terry, to teach him how to become a full fledged English wanker.
Smith confirmed he is totally unaware he is about to ruin his career.
He said: “I admire the way most English players do not have any moral compass and have become jaded sex addicts who choose not to read as a lifestyle choice.
“When I started playing football I never thought it would be like this. It’s like living in 1930s Germany, except all the SS Officers are footballers and have no understanding of National Socialism.”
The young forward was introduced to infamous Chelsea captain John Terry, during a secret dinner in London, and was immediately taken under his wing.
Playmaker Smith explained how overwhelmed he was by the former England defender’s horrible ego.
He said: “I have never met anyone like Mr Terry. He doesn’t open doors, he just walks through them, and then announces that he wants to take a shit. He killed Gandhi you know.
“The man has taken ‘being an arsehole’ to an entirely different level, a bit like Lady Gaga, but with less hair extensions.”