The Newcastle boss confirmed that his headbutt on Hull City’s David Meyler was a actually a good thing.
He said: “I’ve had loads of these kinds of incidents through out my life. I enjoy losing control and putting myself and others at risk, it feels great.
“Often I get so angry, I black out and then regain consciousness to find myself straddling a bloodied corpse, hilarious I know.”
He added: “I wish there is something I could do about it, but without ever looking into it, I am convinced there isn’t.”
Newcastle have released a statement confirming that they are too disorganised and morally ambiguous to take proper action against Pardew.
“While most football clubs would sack their manager for such an offence, we will stand by Mr Pardew simply because he is a dysfunctional lunatic who represents exactly what Newcastle have become. Thank you”