(By Mark Hodge)
Grouchy retiree Sir Alex Ferguson has confirmed he intends to impersonate neurologically challenged songstress Susan Boyle.
The former United tyrant, who hasn’t shaved his legs in perpetration for the role, revealed he was drawn to ‘SuBo’ after contracting alzheimer’s disease.
He said: “Now that I have left football management, I feel I need a new challenge and one that will ultimately involve me dressing as an overweight she-male.”
Childlike Boyle rose to fame after appearing on television singing and acting like she had never been outside before.
A source close to the diabetic singer revealed she has no idea who Ferguson is.
“SuBo can’t even wipe her arse in the morning, so can’t be expected to field such a complex question.”