The Russian international has made the sensational announcement after years of not having the mental or physical capacity to play football.
Arshavin, who is currently on-loan at Zenit St Petersburg, has failed to impress his potential employers, and will be released by parent club Arsenal at the end of the month.
The 31-year-old confirmed he will do absolutely nothing to regain his form or even his basic fitness.
He said: “How will I react to not having a club or a professional contract?
“I will probably just sit in a room staring at a wall with only a bed pan for company.”
When asked if he had any plans regarding an alternate career path, the midfielder responded: “I’m hoping that someone will pay me for sitting and doing nothing. Then maybe, I’ll get up once and a while and have a shower or something to eat.
“Of course, that will probably not happen.”
These startling revelations portray a man at the end of his tether. Arshavin currently earns over £80,000-a-week, however he insists that he doesn’t have any interest in money or material goods.
He said: “I only get dressed in the morning for fear of getting arrested. It’s hard to sit and do nothing when you are sharing a prison cell with someone who has romantic intentions towards you.”
There is no one in Arshavin’s life that felt obliged to comment.