Striker Carroll has been described as a medical marvel by a team of dis-credited South American scientists.
The group, who specialise in the cloning of giant humans, insist that the former Newcastle forward’s behaviour is exactly the kind of traits they are looking to eliminate from society.
They said: “We would like to take Mr Carroll’s body away from his family the very moment he is pronounced dead. We would then bid to re-animate him for the sole purpose of gaining attention for ourselves.”
Asked if they were worried about the moral and ethical implications of performing such a procedure, they responded: “Not really, no.”
This is of course startling news for the England frontman. However, considering his career is in limbo, with absolutely no one willing to pay his exorbitant transfer fee or wages, this could be Carroll’s only viable option.
Indeed, despite the macabre elements involved with the procedure, a source close to the Carroll family suggested that they may be interested if the price is right.
The source said: “Its not exactly what we had in mind, but if the money is on the table, we will definitely consider it.”
The player famously joined Liverpool for £35-million, making him the 8th most expensive player of all time, and simultaneously the biggest waste of money since the Soviet Union collapsed.
Carroll, who reportedly isn’t yet aware of his own mortality, could be shipped off to Uruguay where he will begin his new life as a drooling humanoid.
He will then be killed and unsuccessfully brought back to life by a group of crack addicted med-school drop outs.