The former French International confirmed his tiny brain, which is encased inside his baldy dome, can only process nursery rhymes and military style commands.
He said: “I had no idea that replicating a gesture synonymous with one of history’s most evil and murderous regimes was wrong.
“I have no idea who I am or what I am saying.
“When I was younger, people used to poke me with sticks and tell me I was special…and that was my parents. Imagine what other kids would have done if I had went to school or saw the outside of my dungeon? They would have surely laughed.”
A spokesperson for the Idiots Advice Bureau has advised Anelka to treat his unperforming head like a Christmas Turkey and overcook it in the oven.
“We get a lot of footballers phoning us. Last month a Chelsea player ran into a police station naked with only some else’s blood to hide his modesty.
“That was quite a pickle.”
He added: “As for Anelka, we have a whole department dedicated to putting his calls through to an answer phone which never actually hangs up.”