Arsenal hope to lure Luis Suarez to the Emirates with the promise that none of his future crimes will be substantiated by manager Arsene Wenger.
The Liverpool striker, whose eye for goal is second only to his admiration for caucasian flesh, has previously indicated that his preference would be to move away from England.
But, Gunners boss Arsene Wenger has confirmed he believes that his inability to see his players’ indiscretions will help tempt the unhinged frontman to North London.
He said: “My role is part manager, part Mafia wife.
“When you watch those gangster movies the women never know anything. I think that works well in football, and as a result, I never ask my players about their business.
“Suarez is obviously a very talented player with deep psychological problems. Yes, he may end up killing someone on the pitch, maybe even a ball boy.
“But let me tell you, if he does, I will not have seen it.”
A spokesperson for the bucked toothed, wild-eyed Uruguayan, has admitted that Wenger’s ludicrous backing of his players, could be enough to tempt him to the Champions League nearly men.
“Luis is of course a very disturbed individual who is unable to control himself on the pitch.
“The fact that Wenger seems to back his players, no matter how blatant the crime, is very appealing to him.
“Some people feel intimidated by Luis, simply because he is the personification of their nightmares.
“But, if Arsenal can offer him the kind unwavering support that Liverpool have failed to, then he could very well be playing there next season.”