Barcelona have shocked the world of sport by signing a babysitter for child star Lionel Messi.
Argentine Gerardo Martino, who specialises in training circus midgets, has been drafted in following the departure of coach Tito Vilanova.
A spokesperson for the Catalan giants confirmed that the manager has little or no interest in football.
“Martino has contacts with all the top agents in South American entertainment.
“If the club are going to make the most of out Messi, we need to harness his talents appropriately.
“We have already hired a very small Shetland pony for Lionel to ride around on, like he is a tiny cowboy.
“The new manager has also written a film script which centres on a very small person doing funny things for the amusement of others.”