“It’s been a good run, but all things must come to an end,” says Helder Fabianos, owner of the Neymar Wig Co. as he closes the wrought-iron factory gates for the last time.
Fabianos was speaking just a couple of days after Brazil’s Confederations Cup win over Spain. The company, which for four years now has been the primary manufacturer and distributor or Neymar wigs – “I like to think of them as metro-mullets,” says Fabianos – has been forced into bankruptcy following the striker’s move to Barcelona.
“He’d been linked with other clubs in the past, so we knew one day he’d leave us. I mean, there’s no such thing as loyalty in football nowadays…” lamented the former captain of industry.
“This last couple of weeks have been great – a real send off,” said the former-factory owner, reflecting on the final dregs of business squeezed from Brazil’s involvement in the Confederations Cup, as well as the considerable impact made by the former Santos striker.
“When he got his haircut at the end of the season, people wondered how we might cope, but really he just had it trimmed,” said a smiling Fabianos.
“It was still a, er… ‘unique’ style of haircut – he still looked very stupid! All we had to do was trim the wigs we had in stock. Hey-presto!”
For the last four seasons, the young supporters of Santos FC have been adorning the Neymar wigs – an effect similar to a troll cartoon character crossed with a metrosexual porcupine.
Claiming that excessive shipping costs killed his dreams of exporting the wigs, Fabianos stated he wishes the best of luck to whichever businessman takes over the venture in Catalonia, “no doubt he’ll get some other pansy-ass haircut over in Spain…”
Reflecting on what was once a fail-safe business idea, he went on to lament the lack of home-grown ridiculous hairstyles currently on show in Brazilian football.
He said: “We need another show-pony who’s not afraid to be some effete hairdresser’s walking mannequin; or else we need someone with authentically daft hair – like a David Luiz – to come back to play in Brazil.”