Footballing play thing Cardiff City have hired North Korean dictator and cross-dressing psychopath Kim Jong-Un as their new Director of Football.
Malaysian owner Vincent Tan, who thinks Wales is a shit hole, reached out to Jong-Un because of his no-nonsense attitude.
A source within Cardiff explained that Tan has never looked manager Malky Mackay in the eye.
The source said: “Now that Mackay has delivered success on the pitch, the owner believes he should be punished for no apparent reason.
“Kim Jong-Un’s contract is extensive and stipulates that blow jobs should be ‘dispensed like candy’ when he is around.
“Anyone who doesn’t conform to his strict diet of oral stimulation will be fuck punched by helicopter onto the Pakistan/Afghanistan border.”
Tan’s Cardiff reign has been dogged with controversy. Most notably, the owner took the club mascot, Bartey Blue, out for dinner and then never called him again.
Now a spokesman for North Korea revealed that headcase Jong-Un intends to intimidate Cardiff’s enemies with empty threats before not actually doing anything.
He said: “The Dear Leader is used to living in a country full of uneducated delinquents who are incapable of self-determination. So moving to Wales shouldn’t be a problem.”