Manchester United incompetent David Moyes is set to launch a transfer bid for excitable man-child Jim White tonight.
Moyes, who is incapable of signing players and is reaching the end of his existence on Earth, has targeted the Sky Sports News humanoid after seeing him on television.
A source close to the United boss confirmed he cannot handle the pressure of his new job and can no longer function within the vessel that is his body.
“David spends most of his day naked in his office, watching Sky Sports and drinking tea from his shoe.
“The club have given him a list of targets, however it seems Moyes cannot read or write and thus has fucked up the entire transfer window.”
A Manchester United spokesperson has likened Moyes’ demise to seeing Bambi and ET die in a house fire.
“Nobody is enjoying seeing David suffer like this.
“The man is a pathetic excuse for a human being and should, in a civilised society, have his life extracted from his body against his own will.
“Of course Sky are delighted with what’s happening; the idea of Jim White being a transfer target is like something from the Twilght Zone, except the protagonists are more scary than any living nightmare.”