‘Former’ owner and professional liar Craig Whyte, infamously took over the struggling club and then dismantled it like a giant piece of IKEA furniture.
A source within Rangers confirmed that Whyte saw the ball boys as tradable commodities and casually robbed them of their freedom.
The source said: “Mr Whyte used Rangers like a dysfunctional cash register. He even sold the toilets at Ibrox meaning fans had to take their shit home with them.
“He also flogged the club’s mascot, Broxy Bear, to a Hedge Fund in London. Broxy won’t last two minutes down there, he isn’t used to an environment that competitive.”
A police spokesman confirmed there is currently an X-Files style investigation into whether brass-necked chancer Craig Whyte is actually human.
He said: “Mr Whyte is possibly the most audacious criminal the world has ever seen.
“He makes Hitler look like a well meaning bureaucrat who accidentally fell into religious genocide.”
On the subject of the captured ball boys, the policeman added: “We do have a lead relating to an unlicensed diamond mine in South Africa, which is allegedly part owned by one of Mr Whyte’s subsidiaries.
“According to our sources, the mine actively supported apartheid and generally stands for everything which is wrong in the world….so we’re pretty sure it belongs to Whyte.”