The Real Madrid forward confirmed the news while trying to locate his redundant porridge pump with a torch and a pair of specially designed small dick tweezers.
He said: “I’m scared of running from the truth, having an extremely small cock has made me a horrible person and for that I would like to apologise to all the people I have insulted or maimed through out my life.”
After a Spanish tabloid broke the sensational small dick related story, former President of the United States George W Bush phoned Ronaldo and reportedly welcomed him to the incredibly small johnny stick club.
He said : “Aside from being a war criminal, a murderer and a complete fucking moron, I also have a small dick. In fact, it’s so small, my parents thought I was a girl when I was younger, they named me Dorris and kicked the living shit out of me.
“Upon hearing the news that a famous person from overseas also had a yogurt slinger the size of a battered woman’s ego, I had to call and congratulate him on joining our very select club.
“As it turns out, me and Cristiano get on famously. When he retires he wants to invade countries and kill people on false pretences to.”