In an exclusive interview with EPL Wire, Moyes refuted claims he had assaulted a young man in a wine bar, but did admit to dressing his wife in a burka and then kicking her up the arse.
He said: “There have been a lots of spurious snash written about me over the last year, and I have to say, I’ve loved every fucking minute of it.
“However, the only fud who’s getting more attention than me is Nigel Farage. That’s why, when the cops gave me one phone call, he’s the guy I turned to.
“In fact it turns out that most of the police support UKIP and were more than happy to help. Apparently having a poor academic background and an inherent need to control others is exactly what a backward, fear mongering, shit stirring little party like UKIP want.
A spokesperson for UKIP denied they are on the verge of signing Marouane Fellaini before the next general election.
“Of course not, he’s from Belgium for fuck’s sake.”