The Manchester United boss revealed he loves the attention of losing football matches.
He said: “Nobody likes change do they? Well, I’ve never won anything in my life, so it feels good to bring my track record of failure to this once great club.
“I don’t know what the supporters, players or board think, but I’m really enjoying myself, I can’t wait to lose the next game.”
Clearly suffering from a mild form of Aspergers, Moyes is a heart beat away being sacked after less than a season in the Old Trafford hot seat.
Out going captain Nemanja Vidic confirmed that the former Everton manager could fuck up a game of knots and crosses.
He said: “Being coached by David Moyes is like being tutored in sociology by a homeless man who lives in a dustbin.”