Calamitous mess Joe Hart will be appear in court after being charged with crimes against goalkeeping.
The England keeper, who has the concentration of an elderly halibut, will represent himself in the trial because his poor decision making skills resulted in him sacking his lawyer.
Manchester City manager Manuel Pellegrini backed Hart after another shocking display.
He said: “I am really worried for Joe, they are talking about the death penalty.
“Obviously now, he is no longer our player and therefore we will offer him no support whatsoever.”
A spokesperson for the Football Association explained that Hart may also face a similar trial in the Hague, due to his awful performances for the national side.
“There has been inquiries about Joe Hart appearing at a war crimes trial in Holland, and even though that is ridiculous, the FA are pushing for it anyway.
“They want to put out a message to any young keeper coming through the system, what the consequences are when you play crap. You could die in a prison alone, while the whole world laughs at you.
“Now that’s motivation.”