The move comes after the Chelsea striker stuck four goals past Tahiti, who are footballing equivalent of a recovering drug addict with no support network.
But Torres insists these displays of ruthlessness, at the Confederations Cup, are exactly what his game has been missing.
He said: “Many people laugh at me; my team mates, fans and even my family.
“So I saw an opportunity to take from the weak and helpless, to make me feel like a big man.
“Now, after scoring so many goals in such an inconsequential match, I took to the streets, looking for something to plunder.
“I saw a heavy-set child with a head the size of an acorn. He was eating a chocolate bar. I saw my chance, rose up strong, and took the confectionery from his hands.
“It was a great moment, better than any goal I have ever scored.”
A source within the Spain camp confirmed there have been concerns about the over-priced embarrassment’s recent behaviour.
“Something has changed in Fernando since we landed in Brazil.
“He spends all day listening to gangster rap and watching films such as Scarface and Home Alone.
“Of course, like any footballer, if he keeps scoring on the pitch then his teammates will support him no matter how serious his crimes.”