The war torn hell hole, where every single person is either a religious fanatic or a crazed government pawn, will replace over-sized oven and desert library Qatar as the host country.
He said: “Syria paid us lots of cash to make the switch. But, despite the country being ripped apart by uneducated people who are incapable of looking past their own corrupt regime or implausible religion, we think that this will be a great venue for the the world’s biggest sporting spectacle.
“Also, it’s not far from Europe, hanging like a pair of genitals covered in sand, just waiting to be milked of all its resources.”
A source close to FIFA confirmed that the organisation plans to fund both sides of the conflict in the years preceding the World Cup.
“Blatter and his overfed cronies think the war will fuel publicity for the event. They do not conform to any form of belief system and like to exploit any naive person who does.
“During Italia ’90, they all walked into the Vatican and smashed fuck out of a group of nuns. When they paid off the cops, they went back and did it again. Life is so easy when you are an autonomous nomadic organisation with shit loads of cash and absolutely no morals.”