Comedy outfit Sunderland have appointed professional underachiever Paul Gascoigne as their new manager.
‘Gazza’, who enjoys feeling sorry for himself, has spent the last 10-years repeating the same destructive behaviour which has robbed him of any level of respect within society.
Now a Sunderland spokesperson has insisted that hiring the inarticulate North East legend will bolster their chances of Premier League survival.
“The owners think that having another manager with the mental age of an alley way cabbage, will be great PR for the club.”
A source close to the playing staff confirmed the entire dressing room feel like they have been locked inside a giant nightmare and are unable to get out.
“First the players had to deal with Di Canio firing guns off on the team bus and arguing with himself in front of a mirror.
“But now they have a boss who couldn’t even manage a game of subbuteo, and spends his life watching other people discuss how much of a fucking loser he has become.”