Cooking tart Lawson is currently embroiled in an unsavoury divorce battle with ex-Charles Saatchi who has labelled her an international drug enthusiast.
A source within US network ABC confirmed they are excited about working with incompetent alcoholic Gazza.
The source said: “We just think Paul is so troubled and interesting. The way he has fucked up his life with drink and drugs is so rock star. Being pathetic is really ‘in’ at the moment.”
Asked about overweight posher Nigella, the source responded: “We like our stars to be upfront about who they are. The fact that she may have been involved in high treason, human trafficking and faking the moon landings is not on. Our uneducated viewers will not accept that.”
A spokesperson for Gazza revealed that the former footballer is acting as his own spokesperson, because he cannot afford anyone to speak on his behalf.
He said: “Am actin as me own spokesman like…..cause I’ve drank all me mooney.
“I’m happy aboot goin on a cooking show like….even though ah canny eat cause ma colostomy bag gets aw runny doon me leg.”