Political embarrassment Gordon Brown has backed under fire United boss David Moyes, after a calamitous few months in charge.
Former Prime Minister Brown, who looks like a serial killer who is wearing someone else’s skin, pointed out the parallels between himself and the long serving former Everton manager.
He said: “David has waited years to get the top job, just like I did.
“While he was finishing in the top 6 of the premier league, I was signing the cheques for an illegal war that killed thousands of innocent people.
“Interestingly enough, in all those years of watching Tony Blair at the dispatch box, it never once crossed my mind that I should brush up on my public speaking skills.
“I think David is having the same problem at Manchester United. Of course, he’ll never be able to emulate Alex Ferguson and will probably lose his job before the end of the season, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be a success.”
This ringing endorsement from a failed professional liar will undoubtedly be a confidence boost to Moyes, as he figures out how to pretend to be good at a job he is not even remotely capable of doing.
A spokesperson for United admitted the new manager has absolutely no respect within the club.
“The board are now wondering why they hired a manager, who couldn’t sign his own name, take over a club which is about to be usurped by a mute Russian gangster and a prepubescent Arab prince.
“We are all starting to realise that David Moyes is the managerial equivalent of a mass shooting. Once he is gone, it’s going to take years, and numerous charity pop singles, for us to recover.”