Grumpy dwarf Gordon Strachan has refuted claims he is a garden ornament which has been brought to life through the use of black magic.
The Scotland manager addressed the issue after his team were bent over and had their liberty taken by a genetically superior Belgium side.
He said: “I still can’t believe this story keeps coming up.
“I’m a man, a very small angry man who doesn’t look human…but I am human.
“Let me take this opportunity to say, I am not a fucking gnome, or a fucking hobbit or one of the supporting characters from Gregory’s Girl. I am me, no one else.”
A source close to the funny looking Strachan confirmed there will always be questions over his genealogy.
“No matter what he says or does, people can’t help imaging him dressed as one of Santa’s helpers or a character from Lord of the Rings.
“His family keep telling him he should be thankful.
“If the Nazis had won the war, he would probably be performing in a camp somewhere to groups of Japanese and German businessmen, whose moral compasses have been surgically removed by the satanic overlords who have turned the world into a living fucking horror show.”