Annoying tree huggers Greenpeace ruined Basle’s Champions League clash with Schalke over something normal people don’t care about.
The protest group, who are famed for over-reacting, unfurled a banner aimed at gas giant sponsor and all round good guys Gazprom.
However Greenpeace chief, Harvey Beenyhat, confirmed the group will never accept the notion that stuff just sorts itself out.
He said: “Every single person within Greenpeace has underlying problems which stem from childhood traumas.
“Basically we are all attention seekers who value losing our temper over personal hygiene. It’s a very specific criteria.
“If someone wants to join us who isn’t covered in piercings and clothes left over from 1970s East Berlin, we tell them to take a fuck to themselves.”
UEFA President Michel Platini, who attended the match, expressed his ignorance towards the protest.
He said: “I saw some kind of banner. But when it was being removed, myself and my colleagues went inside and enjoyed a course of shark fin soup served by immigrants who were not allowed to look us in the eye…except when they were getting their heads volleyed for our amusement.”