Cuddly prankster Ian Holloway has announced his intention to take life incredibly seriously.
The Crystal Palace manager, who is known to use humour as a defence mechanism, has decided to become a boring bastard like many of his Premier League contemporaries.
He said: “Most managers in the top flight don’t joke around like I do.
“I think I realised I had to stop when one of the players left the club because I insisted he dress as a woman and perform burlesque dancing for us.
“When I was young that’s the type of thing you lived for.
“The people in the game now, for better or worse, have skin thinner than a super model’s self esteem, and for that reason I’ve got to conform or die.”
As part of his new manufactured image, Holloway revealed that he plans to wear reading glasses and carry a brief case which will never contain anything other than a pencil which will never be used.
He said: “I think it’s important to remove my only distinctive quality, and to take life really seriously, so that when I’m lying dead in a wooden box, people won’t remember anything I said and my memory will be lost in the ether of human existence.
“That’s what I’m hoping anyway. Finger crossed.”