Terry, who once wrapped a dish towel round his head in a show of solidarity with oppressed Afghani women, made the claims while punching a dead body.
He said: “At Chelsea, we abhor any kind of social injustice. Just last week, we bullied one of the foreign lads to the brink of suicide, in order to demonstrate the evils of prejudice in the work place.
“And, when he realised the whole thing had been an exercise concocted as a means of eduction, we kicked him in the balls and shagged his wife.
“I told him straight to his face, ‘no need to thank me, I’m just doing my job’.”
Terry also revealed that his ideal women would be a cross between US civil rights activist Rosa Parks and obese feminist Rosie O’Donnell.
He said: “When I heard the story of Rosa Parks, I could instantly relate to it. Every week, I sit at the back of the team bus, and jack off to Steven Spielberg’s Amistad.
“I also think Rosie O’Donnell is a gigantic piece of ass.”