Despite the Chelsea captain’s public image as a thuggish imbecile, incapable of empathy or compassion, he has revealed that he suffers from a bleeding heart, a condition that is medically untreatable.
He said: “The turning point for me was when I visited a childrens’ home in Palestine. All those little foreign kids, some of them had never even heard of me. That’s when I knew I was put here for a higher purpose.”
He added: “Before, I would have just assumed that the kids were there because they weren’t captains of their respective clubs or even football players. Now I realise that’s not always the case.”
Terry leads a very regimented life. In the morning, after a quick meditation, he SKYPE’s with many of the world’s leaders, who feel his level of ignorance could be used as a warning against poor eduction and inbreeding.
After training with the rest of the squad, the former England captain attends a local soup kitchen which he used to frequent in order to laugh at people with drug and alcohol dependencies.
However, after his spiritual awakening, Terry now helps those who are incapable of kicking or heading a piece of leather for money.
He said: “The soup kitchen’s great. They make soup for people.”