Jose Mourinho has been unveiled as the latest contestant to enter the Big Brother house.
Amidst plummeting ratings, Channel 5 are hoping that the introduction of the charismatic Chelsea supremo will lift the programme from the relegation zone.
Mourinho immediately caused controversy when he psychically assaulted a female housemate who had scoffed at his declaration of omnipotence.
The former Real Madrid coach then offered an over-weight contestant the chance to give up their status in the house or risk being taken outside and disposed of like a pile of steaming human rubbish.
Of course, the self-proclaimed ‘special one’ was quick to respond to accusations that his involvement in the vacuous reality show would compromise his commitment to Chelsea.
He said: “When I win this show, I plan to release a fitness DVD and start a fake relationship with someone from Made In Chelsea.
“This cross-over appeal will surely improve the image of the club and help the team on the field.”