The newly appointed Chelsea manager insisted he is confident that his team will make the transition from millionaire footballers to survivalist killers.
He said: “We have looked into it and yes there is a country in South America which hosts such an event.
“The club wanted us to do the usual pre-season tour, however I believe that a death match, operating outside international jurisdiction, will be much better for team morale.”
This sensational claim has sent shock-waves through the Chelsea squad, most of whom are on holiday and were previously unaware their lives were under-threat.
However, the agent of John Terry released a statement suggesting the club captain would be willing to die for no apparent reason.
“John is a fucking idiot, so naturally if the manager tells him to do something, no matter how dangerous, he will probably do it.”
Of course, Mourinho is an infamous risk taker whose man-management techniques have always courted controversy.
Most notably, while manager of Real Madrid, ‘the special one’ had defender Sergio Ramos stripped naked, smeared in treacle and strapped to a tree in the middle of an un-mapped woodland area.
The Spanish international was then promoted to vice-captain after surviving the incident.
A source within Chelsea revealed that the club are willing to make sacrifices for the greater good.
“Jose’s methods, while unconventional, do get results. If it means losing some of the mentally weaker members of the squad? So be it.”