Crap gambler and Irish cliché Keith Gillespie has released a book detailing his astoundingly narrow view of the world.
The former Newcastle winger, who once kicked a phone box because it would not perform fellatio on him, employed a ghost writer to decipher his miserable tales of drunken excess while attempting to play professional football.
A spokesperson for Gillespie confirmed he has never complemented why he is such a fuck up.
“Keith comes from a generation who think dealing with your problems is weak and quintessentially homosexual.
“He’s happy just living his life without ever really experiencing anything that will challenge his totally inept and irrational view of normality.”
Dickfuck Gillespie revealed in the book that he once placed a bet which involved him hanging himself with his own pubic hair.
Ghost writer John McHackinsack, revealed his interest in the self loathing Northern Irish failure.
He said: “If you give Keith two options; one good and one bad; his first instinct is to punch you in the face and run away crying to a bookies. That’s what makes him such an interesting case.”