Deranged trickster Luis Suarez has declared his intention to match fix games of professional snooker.
The Liverpool dangerman has decided to enter the corrupt sport because it is a perfect fit for his morally ambiguous skill set.
A source close to Suarez confirmed the Uruguayan represents everything that is wrong within society.
“Luis wants to be the first cannibal, who has been accused of racial abuse, to cheat at another sport.
“He is always looking for inherently bad projects to get involved with. There have been countless military coups in Central Africa and even the clubbing of guide dog puppies. He’s a real character that’s for sure.
“There was one time Liverpool were on an away trip in Europe, and Luis ripped off a women’s face with his bare hands and simultaneously questioned her ethnic background. His lack of education and understanding of others is so charming.”
However a spokesperson for Liverpool has denied rumours that the unhinged sociopath would sell out his own grandmother just to see what it felt like.
“That’s not true. Yes, Luis did look into selling one of his relatives to a cult who turn people inside out and defecate on them for no reason. But the timing wasn’t right.”