Despite allegations of man eating and racism, the Liverpool frontman has confirmed he loves his new girlfriend and can’t wait to tie the knot.
He said: “Even though I have never met her and this is simply a PR stunt, I am deeply in love.
“We share the same passions; she doesn’t like eating people and neither do I. She loves being African, something I enjoy also.”
These revelations are likely to soften the image of Suarez who has previously been kept in a cage away from other members of the Anfield squad.
In fact, the Uruguayan’s representation claim he has already been approached by animal rights charity PETA, about forging a relationship that will eventually be compromised by the player’s ridiculous antics.
“Yes, several organisations want to cosy up beside Lius while his reputation is on the up. Of course, they are playing with fire considering his tendency to physically and verbally attack people for no apparent reason.”
One of those organisations seems to be Real Madrid, who despite being one of the biggest clubs in the world, have a self-destruct button which is only dwarfed by Suarez’s appetite for human flesh.
The striker has previously insisted that he is happy at Liverpool. But, luckily for Madrid, Suarez distrusts that particular emotion and is willing to further wreck his life by forcing a move to the Spanish capital.