Globally insignificant club Manchester City will play two other European nobodies in this season’s Champions League group phase.
The nouveau riche club, who have no history and represent everything that is wrong with modern football, will take on CSKA Moscow and Victoria Plzen, along with giants and current champions Bayern Munich.
A spokesperson for City revealed an abundance of wealth does not necessarily guarantee success.
“Of course we are happy with this ridiculously easy draw.
“Our poor form in Europe in the last couple of years can be put down to the fact that we have lots of overpaid and undermotivated players who represent a club with no standing or respect outside of England.”
Interestingly, God, the creator of man and Earth, has released a statement, via the Manchester Evening News, confirming that City only exist because humans have free will and make horrible mistakes every day.
He said: “Amongst all the terrible conflicts and wars in the world today, the one situation that concerns me the most is Man City.
“They are the footballing equivalent of Paris Hilton’s aborted tampon and have no right to be playing in Europe
“If I could, I would destroy them along with organised religion, which I find confuses too many people who do not have the ability to read or process thoughts.”