Speaking from his spacious pen in the corner of the Milan penthouse he shares with Italian striker Mario Balotelli, Dani, a six month old domestic pig, expressed his surprise at the levels of slovenliness adopted by his new owner.
“You wouldn’t believe how this guy lives,” Dani told reporters.
“I mean, I know it’s the off-season for these footballers, but Mario really just lies around doing nothing all day – I don’t know how he does it!”
Balotelli’s pet pig, the latest menagerie of eccentric and sanity challenging purchases, was initially pleased to have found a new home in the city, though has expressed surprise at the lifestyle and living standards embodied by the former Manchester City forward.
“He’d come and rub my belly in the morning, at like 9-ish, saying he was ‘off to work’, and I’d settle down for a nap, thinking he’d be back about nine or ten hours later,” said the exasperated farm animal.
“But then about three hours later he’d swan back in and say what a tough day he’d had, before sitting down in front of the playstation for the rest of the afternoon.”
Balotelli is currently with the AC Milan squad taking part in the Audi Cup in Munich, and Dani has taken the time to try and organise the living conditions of the striker.
“The hardest part is that statue that he’s got – that bronze one of him…” said Dani.
“He spent a good couple of hours ordering the guys who delivered it around the room, trying to find the best spot – it was embarrassing,” added the pot-bellied ungulate.
“Now it just lives over there in the corner – and he just flings his dirty washing at its feet for his cleaning lady to pick up; I can’t live like this for much longer, I tell you…”