Planet sized owner Mike Ashley has revealed his shock at the failure of his fitness DVD.
The fitness market, which is dominated by drug addled fuck nuts like Kerry Katona, is more volatile and unpredictable than the weight of the star jumping morons who peddle it.
But the Newcastle owner says he has not given up his dream of becoming an obese fitness guru.
He said: “Last year, I climbed my first set of stairs. I celebrated by eating the entire contents of my office, including the molded plastic chair I use as a buffet cart.
Asked what he thought of the fan lead protest group which want him to sell the club, Ashley responded: “What do you think is more important to your average Newcastle fan right now?
“I think most of them enjoy the circus I’ve created. What other club boasts a director of football who has never learned to use a telephone.
“The other day me, and Joe took a shower together in front of the first team squad. It was our way of bonding and raising moral. And, do you know what, it worked. Because every single one of them ran the fuck out of there, onto the training ground.
“Name another work place, other than the catholic church or children homes, where the boss gets to do that?”