Ford, who is currently embroiled in a political scandal involving himself and crack, was phoned by club owner and gigantic fuck up Mike Ashley this week.
However the Newcastle chief confirmed he was unable to reach the disgraced politician, because Ford was being dick dropped by a pipe smoking hooker called Big Cindy.
He said: “I eventually SKYPED with Rob Ford yesterday and offered him a job at the club.
“While that role has not been determined, it will involve bringing shame upon Newcastle as well as cock kicking any dealers who give Rob snash.”
But a spokesperson for the soon-to-be found dead mayor insisted Ford will only join Newcastle if he loses the 2014 election.
They said: “Amazingly, despite being stripped of most of his powers, Mr Ford is still the mayor of Toronto and is currently celebrating by smoking more crack with his new director of communications Big Cindy Johnson.
“Mr Ford has never heard of Newcastle simply because he is a stupid North American who enjoys A Class drugs, fast food and choking himself with his own neck tie while a large African American women administers fellatio like a giant mocha fuck train.”