Bullshit artist Jose Mourinho will return to his first career as a translator after failing as a manager.
The Chelsea failure, who has borderline personality disorder and practices nude aerobics, has lost the respect of everyone within his life since returning to West London.
A source close to Mourinho confirmed he is now incapable of managing his own existence.
“After the defeat to Basle, he was found slumped naked in a toilet cubicle with only a Panto Dames’ catalogue to hide his modesty.
“Last week, he berated Juan Mata for not being a cast member from hit 80s TV show Miami Vice.
“He also greets everyone he meets by shouting ‘WHAT?’ in their face.”
A smut peddling tabloid newspaper recently alleged that Mourinho had applied for work at a Portuguese holiday camp for blind criminals who have learning difficulties.
A spokesperson for Chelsea confirmed that the former Porto manager would be ruthlessly sacked and thrown outside like a piece of stinking rubbish.
“We will be thrown hard onto the rain soaked cobble stones like a drunk deviant from a titty bar.
“This will happen soon and without fanfare.”