Newcaster United football club has announced that it has filed for bankruptcy. The Geordie ‘Cock o’ the North’ was forced to borrow £300 from its sponsor Wanky.com as a payday loan in January to pay off a debt for sausages to the local butchers.
The club was relying on money from gate receipts to pay off the debt the following month.
Sadly, the debt proved too much and the original £300 debt has now spiraled to £300m with interest. The club had no alternative but to put itself into voluntary liquidation.
When the Boat Doesn’t Come in and Sinks
Newcaster manager Geordie Stere O’Type spoke to EPLWire.
“Well man the sponsors gi’ the Toon a special interest rate like. Wi thowt it wez 3 per cent but it wez 3 trillion per cent bonny lad.
“Wor needed just a reet wee bit a brass subbing in the January fi the bangers like. Wor club gans canny but wi div’n get that little rub of the green tae get wor brass te pay the bastard blood sucking bosses back.
“Gang awa’ and shite ye’sen bonny lads. Whay aye we are reet fooked from all this fornication.”
Nae cast a clout til the loan is out
A spokesman for Wanky’s said: “Although we are proud to be the official sponsors of Newcaster Utd we also have to run a business. We are a socially responsible corporation and are sad that it has come to this. We are here to help Newcaster United as we are all our suckers – I mean clients.”
Ex-Players Rally Round
Toon folk-hero Gazza Gasberger-Syndrome has called for the spirit of legendary player Jackie Sideburn to help out the stricken club.
“Wor gannin do a charity match for the Toon wi’ aal famous ex-players. Alannis Shearisette, Papa John-Pizza and Peter Weirdsley will all be gannin doon. Wi want aal fans te gan and put thor hand in thor pocket. It’s a lot brass but ah know wi can dee it.