Kinnear, who has no respect within his own household, never mind the game of football, has been working as a failed person since 2009.
But owner Mike Ashley insists Kinnear’s appointment, as director of football, signals an exciting new era for the club.
He said: “Joe is an embarrassment to himself and everyone around him. That’s why I think he will be a good for the club.
“Alan Pardew should not be worried that he has no control over his own job anymore.
“I’m sure that he and Joe will act as a veritable Torvil and Dean as the club skate along the icy path of normality.”
Kinnear is famous for his shortcomings, including having one eye and being confused by the different narrative strands within HBO series Game of Thrones.
However, the former Wimbeldon boss is confident that these deficiencies will not affect his ability to undermine Pardew.
He said: “It’s true that I get confused easily and can’t see very well.
“Obviously the owner knows that, and coupled with my physical and neurological problems, I should, given the right support, be able to fuck things up at this fine club.”