While it is scientifically proven that Italian players are inherently untrustworthy and devious, this latest scandal involves only English players.
A leading sport’s scientist, Dr Dick Van Long Slong, confirmed the news could lead to an outbreak of cheating and miss-direction across the continent.
He said: “This scandal has had a profound effect on the scientific community.
“For decades Italian footballers have been considered the moral equivalent of Eva Braun’s vaginal excretion and now all that has changed.
“A betting scandal outside of Italy is like finding an insenstual sex dungeon outside of Austria. This could lead to an epidemic of moral ambiguity and the systematic buggery of all living things.”
If you have been affected by the betting scandal or buggered for that matter, please do not get in touch with us you giant loser. Thank you.