Hargreaves, who is more injury prone than Stephen Hawkings, confirmed his interest despite not being able to stand, sit or lie down for any serious amount of time.
He said: “I just want to regain some of my self respect. I can’t even take a shit without damaging my knees.
“When I saw the Paralympics last year, I was in hospital with a broken dick, and I was amazed that all these disabled people were being cheered on by sports fans.
“I thought, I want some of that.”
Asked what sporting discipline he intends to compete in, the former England international responded: “Something like swimming would be good, as it’s low impact and black people aren’t very good at it.”
A source close to Hargreaves revealed that the star has struggled to find a country willing to represent him.
“Owen is lucky that both his dual nationalities, England and Canada, have free health care, otherwise he would be out on the street right now.
“Unfortunately both those countries aren’t willing to discuss his participation in the Paralympics, as he’s the human equivalent of a broken umbrella, that you find abandoned on the streets when it’s raining.
“There’s no use for Owen any more. He did think about getting into teaching, showing young goth kids how to injure themselves. But then he realised they can do that themselves, without some giant loser showing them.
“The Paralympics is about the only thing he’s got left. And, he’ll probably fuck that up to.”