Manuel Pellegrini has been quick to introduce an innovative playing system, ‘Chaos Theory’, on to the Manchester City training ground.
With the new manager’s promise of glory, the wealthy but neurologically incompetent players have embraced the regime with a mixture of bemusement and total misunderstanding.
Indeed, England keeper Joe Hart, and his pronounced forehead, have been singled out especially for the Pellegrini treatment.
After offering the wrong solution to one of the manager’s ‘pass the ball equations’, the in-breed poster boy has been ordered back to the ground each afternoon.
He said: “So far, things have been pretty chaotic.
“The players haven’t yet quite found a way to master the ‘rhombus’ method of passing. Mr.Mancini used to tell us to pass the ball to a light blue jersey if it had two legs attached.
“Even Tevez understood that sometimes.”
James Milner has been given the task of ensuring Pellegrini’s ‘chaos philosophy’ is understood by everyone at the club including the tea ladies and season ticket holders.
It is thought Milner was assigned this roll on account of having nearly passed his GCSE in Maths.
Unveiling his methods at a press conference, Pellegrini surprised the audience by referring to a picture of the Solar System.
Laughter quickly erupted in the press room when the Chilean was then asked if he knew what planet he was on.
Sitting alongside, the club’s owners expressed full confidence in a relaxed looking Pellegrini and added they had been assured of ‘much more chaos’ followed by the EPL and Champions League trophies.