The former Barcelona coach admits that he doesn’t really want the job and would rather no one at Bayern look him in the eye.
He said: “I really don’t care about them; who they are or what they stand for.”
Asked why he agreed to take the job in the first place, he said: “I did it to spite my former employers. I hate everyone who has ever loved me.”
These emotive statements are likely to shock both the Spaniard’s new employers and the Catalan giants, who gave him his first opportunity in top level management.
A Bayern spokesperson confirmed they know the misanthropic Guardiola walks a fine line between madness and genius.
“When we first met with him, he communicated almost entirely through a mime artist called noodles.
“And, when it came to sign the contract, he sliced his hand with a razor and pressed his palm down onto the paper.
“That was certainly a first. I mean, many footballers don’t know how to use a pen or go to the toilet by themselves, but, we still didn’t expect anything like this.”
A source close to the former Spanish international revealed he has styled himself as the managerial equivalent of Lady Gaga.
“Pep has created a mystique that he feels has benefited himself and his players. For decades now, managers have been using the same old tactics, but has anyone used a mime artist in a team talk? I don’t think so.”