Morally corrupt football clubs have collectively decided to take billions of pounds and throw it into the sea.
The controversial move comes after Real Madrid spent £85-million on one human, who can kick a ball with one foot exceptionally well.
A spokesperson for the illuminati, the shadowy group of capitalists who run the world, confirmed that football giants have utter disdain for poor people and the money sized paper which enslaves them.
“The initial plan was to build a big fire and throw lots if money on it.
“However, we realised that civilians may derive pleasure from such a fantastic spectacle.”
This statement will certainly not help the game’s contentious image, which has been likened to the rebuilding of Germany in the 1930s.
One source within the English Premier League has confirmed that most players do not have the mental capacity to emphasise with normal people, who spend their days rooting around in shit, looking for something that isn’t there.
“Most footballers can’t even speak English and I’m not talking about the foreign lads.
“They have no concept of money and spend much of their time using £50-notes as napkins, as they are unable to understand the mechanics of cutlery.”