Overpaid delinquents Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale have entered into an international penis measuring competition.
The Real Madrid duo, who have staff dress and feed them every morning, have been under intense scrutiny since Bale’s $86-million transfer from Spurs.
But shaved narcissist Ronaldo insists he doesn’t feel threatened by the Welshman’s arrival.
He said: “When I first met Gareth, I told him that one day I would take his life from his body and throw it like a Frisbee into the afterlife.”
Now, General Franco’s favourite team Real Madrid, has registered the pair in the notorious and drug fuelled world of international willy waggling.
Coincidentally, the annual event takes place in Ronaldo’s home and has been organised by his family for generations.
A spokesperson for the UNICEF sponsored competition, which is titled, I Am So Much Better Than You I Feel The Need To Prove It, denied that the event is rigged in any way.
“There have always been accusations that Ronaldo abuses a rare German dick drug which was developed for woolly mammoths.
“I can assure you that Ronaldo has stepped over a lot of people to make this event as morally respectable as possible.”