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You are here: Home › Europe › Ronaldo Was Conceived Using A Big Girl’s Blouse As Contraception
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Ronaldo Was Conceived Using A Big Girl’s Blouse As Contraception

March 27, 2014 | Filed under: Europe, Internationals and tagged with: al capone, big girls blouse, real madrid, Ronaldo
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Ronaldo is a total cuntEgo centric footballing genius Ronaldo was conceived after a blouse, acquired from an unnamed big girl, burst mid coitus, according to his family physician.

Doctor Pedro Smarti Pants has insisted that this information is correct, despite the fact that he has sold his story to feed his own gigantic crack habit.

He said: “Ronaldo’s father was an infamous box jockey who was allergic to the rubber variety of contraceptives.

“Therefore he would wrap absolutely anything around his dick trunk before dipping his wife from a standing position.

“Does this explain why Ronaldo is such a wanker? Absolutely it does. Now give me my crack you fucking bastard.”

Of course, this unequivocal proof that all the world’s assholes have mutated from the use of unconventional johnny bags will surely blow the lid off the world of science.

Al Capone is a wanker just like Ronaldo

Al Capone is one of history’s biggest cunts

For instance, was Al Capone conceived as a result of a worn down hush puppy slipper which his father had fashioned into a sex sleeve for his stumpy yet sturdy cock pole? You better fucking believe it, now fuck off.

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Written by Mark Hodge

Mark is the publisher, editor and media friendly face of EPL Wire. Not that you can see his face, but trust me, it is friendly and in no way disfigured.

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