Millionaire success story Roy Keane has admitted he does not know why he is always angry.
The former Manchester United captain confirmed that despite having a decorated football career, a loving family at home and millions of pounds in the bank, he still feels the need to be a dick to everyone he ever meets.
He said: “I have this uncontrollable urge to contradict everyone and everything.
“I can’t help it. Even now, I want to tell you that you are wrong, even though you are not currently talking.”
Top medical professionals have been studying Keane to try and understand why someone who has achieved so much, can be so unhappy all the time.
Professor Nigel Hornstein, from Harvard University, opened up about his research on the unsociable Irish hard case.
He said: “Roy is one of the most fascinating subjects I have ever come across. He is without doubt what we call in the medical profession ‘a total fucking arsehole’.
“The condition, Total Fucking Arsehole Syndrome, is extremely rare and is usually found in people who enjoy destroying the lives of others.
“In an ideal world, Roy wouldn’t exist, because he creates such an unbearable negative vacuum around him. But of course, anyone who has any formal education knows that there is no God and the world is a cruel and nasty place, which is gradually being destroyed by the mindless actions of a few selfish people.”