The Bible character, who uneducated people actually believe exists, has been tasked with finding the next John Terry and Ashley Cole.
And Satan, also known as Lucifer, insists he is delighted to have joined the footballing representation of his work on Earth.
He said: “Everyone in hell supports Chelsea, so I’m delighted to be part of such an evil institution.
“My remit is to find players who are total scum bags, who only care about themselves and money. I have obviously been allowed to continue my other work, namely supporting and perpetuating war, murder, Fox News and religious mania across the globe.”
A source close to Roman Abramovich confirmed the Chelsea owner is confident Satan will be a success at the club.
The source said: “Chelsea and Satan are a natural fit.
“There is absolutely no reason why he can’t find more players willing to give up their souls to become his eternal servants. We’ve all done it and trust me, it feels great.”