Tottenham Hotspur will be crowned EPL champions this week after boosting the British economy to the tune of £85-million.
The revenue, generated by the sale of superstar primate Gareth Bale, will encourage High Street shoppers to spend, communities to arrange street parties and obese children to watch more televised football.
Now, inbred Prime Minister David Cameron, has handed the title to the North London club, after they successfully extorted a fortune from a bankrupted foreign country.
He said: “This single transfer is one of the best post-colonial pieces of business I have ever seen.
“Spurs went into a genetically inferior land, and sold them a perishable item which is decreasing in price even as we speak.”