Footballing superstar and circus midget Lionel Messi has instructed his team of accountants to engineer a move to tax haven Monaco.
The French club, who are nestled within the tax free principality, play in a near-empty stadium in a ghost town built upon the lies of capitalism.
However, Barcelona forward Messi has insisted that he wants the move for footballing reasons only, and not because he is a heart beat away from sharing a cell with a tattooed Spanish nationalist who abhors tax avoidance.
He said: ” I have always admired Monaco as a club.
“The fact that they only gets about 11,000 spectators a week, excites me.
“I like the idea of playing for a club that no one cares about.”
Asked about his current tax situation in Spain, the forward responded: “Not only do I look like a child, and play a child’s game for the amusement of others, but I actually don’t know how to handle my own finances.
“My parents handle all the big boy stuff and I simply concentrate on hitting a ball for money, until I grow up and people lose interest in me as a person.”